Tag Archives: mcconville

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year

30 Dec

So I have been slacking in a major way, but I’m back.  It will happen again I’m sure, but I’m back today for now 😉

I hope everyone’s holiday was wonderful and filled with happiness, and that the upcoming holiday will be fun, safe, and spent with those you love.

This post will be pictureless, mainly because I haven’t taken many pictures that have been uploaded lately, part of the reason that I haven’t posted anything.

Over the holiday we went to visit my grandfather, he had a heart attack in the beginning of November and they had to put a stint in an artery to keep him running like the antique car that he is. He is doing better and although he had a minor touch of pneumonia, he is back at home and probably at about 75%.  He is weak, gets tired easily, and can’t do the things he’s used to but he’s 80 years old, living mostly on his own (my uncle is home on the weekends and a home nurse checks on him twice a week), and on very few medications all things considered.  I love my pop pop, what girl wouldn’t.  I like to think that I’m his favorite, but the jury is still out on that 🙂

While at my grandfathers me and my mother drove past the namesake of the blog, good ole 305 McConville. I was immediately overcome in anger, disbelief, and sadness.  I have not been past the house since it was sold.  The developers have torn down the garage and part of the green house, there are plants growing up all over, windows are broken, and the exterior doors are standing wide open.  Most disappointing, was the fact that someone removed the house numbers.  My reason for going was in hopes that they would still be there and I could pull them off. We went in and walked around the first level and as I was leaving I looked down at a pile of trash, and peeking out from below a napkin was a slightly broken ceramic owl napkin holder. My grandmother loved owls and I have taken over her owl collection.  I can remember this napkin holder sitting on the counter in front of the window in the old kitchen.  While the part that holds the actual napkins is broken off, the owl part is just fine. I’m glad that I was able to save it.

As if the emotions from going to the old house weren’t enough, my mother and I went on to the cemetery to visit with my grandmother.  My grandmother passed away from complications related to a full mastectomy to remove a large breast cancer tumor December 27th 1997.  I was ten years old. The last time that I was at the cemetery was December 27th 1999, I sat in the car. Until recently I had been against going to the cemetery, I didn’t want to face the truth.  I would dread my mother asking me if I wanted to join her.  This time I told mom that we had to go, it was 14 years to the day and I needed to go.

Am I at peace with her death? Absolutely not.  If she hadn’t have had the surgery I believe that she would still be alive.  She was 60 years old and in otherwise perfect health. They say that time heals all pain, bullshit. Don’t tell me that she’s in a better place or that in time I will be happy with her being gone or that I should be happy that she is no longer in pain. She died in pain, that was the only time she had pain. She died alone and cold. Even today I still break down randomly because of something I remember, or something that happens that she should have been here to see.  This time of the year is extremely hard on me because for the last 14 years I’ve lived every Christmas holiday with a hole. An empty chair.